


Not bad for a first 'date'

by Katiewantsdonut



Category: Sam & Max
Genre: Dating, M/M, Maybe OOC, Ship, date, dogman and rabbity thing can't get a moments peace, first fic, romantic, slight fluff I guess, so give me a break here, this is my first S&M fanfic so don't expect to much
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-08-28
Packaged: 2020-09-28 12:55:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20426333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katiewantsdonut/pseuds/Katiewantsdonut
Summary: It's a slow day for the freelance police, so Sam decides to take the day off and Max suggests doing something out-of-the-ordinary, for sam and max, which is something ordinary.But not everything quite goes to plan.





	1. A 'date' date? Romantic-like?

**Howdy!**

Some of y'all probably already know me back on [tumblr](https://katie-wants-donut.tumblr.com/). Anyway, this is my first Sam and Max fanfic, so it might be ooc, might be a bit mediocre, just don't expect fucking Shakespeare here.

hope you enjoy it!

* * *

It was a slow day for the freelance police, for the first time in a long while, and Max was not enjoying it one bit.   
The three-foot tall hyper-kinetic lagomorph was hopping around the office, trying to find a way to occupy his short attention span whilst he waits for the phone to ring, almost certain he'd get it this time <strike>yeah right</strike>,

"little pal, it's almost hard to focus on this paperwork with you thumping your feet and hopping all over the place"  
Sam said, putting the papers of what was likely another lawsuit down,

Max looked down at Sam, realising that, without noticing, he had hopped onto the desk of his canine partner

"when is the commissioner gonna call? It's been almost an entire day! And I long for a punk to punish violently. There's nothing to punch here!" Max complained with a huff and he impatiently rapidly taps his foot on Sam's desk

"I wouldn't say that...wanna use your punching bag?" Sam referred to the coat hanger where it usually hung  
"I destroyed it, remember?" Max reminds him  
Sam looks at the torn and ruined punching bag, all punched out after months of Max punching, biting, scratching and even shooting it.  
"oh yeah, would ya look at that...hmm...well there's gotta be something in the office for you to punnel violently"

Max looks at Sam with a mischievous grin  
"Max, no" Sam said, punting Max across the room before he even gets the chance

"and why the heck not?"  
"any other time would be 'yes', but I'm kinda busy here. Maybe later" Sam explains  
Max groans impatiently

"busy doing what?"  
"writing this week's 'we're sorry' letters" Sam said, trying to concentrate and get back to writing the letters  
"but I'm not sorry at all"  
"yeah, they don't have to know that, Max".  
  


After Sam types his letter, he puts the typewriter back in his desk draw of unusable thingamabobs and random junk,  
he sighs and looks over at Max, who went to staring out the window to keep him from going crazy<strike>-er than usual</strike> ,  
"looks like we have the day off, little buddy, what do you wanna do?" Sam asks cautiously, a bit worried about what the rabbity-thing was plotting to do on their, quite rare, time off,  
  
Max thinks for a while, they could drive recklessly in the desoto, they could bother Bosco for a few minutes, they could use the pigeons outside for target practice,  
but Max, being the unpredictable little scamp he is doesn't decide on any of those,

"how about we go out..."   
Sam, who was obviously eager cut Max off halfway through the sentence  
"oh swell little pal, wanna look for crooks ourselves? Or we could go to the shooting r-"  
"...on a date?" Max finishes,

Sam pauses and goes silent, a, slightly uncharacteristic, light blush glowed on his cheeks,  
he and Max had been dating for a while, Married, in fact, but they'd barely gone out on a proper date, they're usual dates were cases where punishing criminals and crooks were involved, and Max certainly hasn't suggested anything like this in the past, it was usually Sam,

"a '_date'_ date like, romantic-like?" Sam asks  
"no Sam, the fruit 'dates'.Yes, a date date!" Max replies sarcastically to the obviously dumb question,

Sam goes back to being silent, he doesn't know what to say, it's not like he doesn't like the idea- if anything, he's wished Max would ask him to go out on a proper date!  
But he didn't think he'd actually ask, and not now, so it hit Sam unexpectedly by surprise.

"w..what do you wanna do on this date?" Sam stutters,  
Max sighs and rolls his eyes  
"don't get all bashful and awkward with me Sam, I thought you'd like this-"  
"no no, I do, I was hoping for you to ask for a long time..."

it was Max's turn to go silent, he didn't really think Sam felt that way, he knew Sam adored him and they genuinely really loved each other- So why didn't he think Sam felt like that?...it was always obvious they both did,

"why didn't you say so, dummy?" Max eventually asks  
"I didn't think _you'd_ be interested..."  
"well _I_ obviously am! Hmm..we could do a whole buncha activities and the sappy romantic stuff you've been longing to have with this handsome rabbity-thing!"

Sam blushes and giggles at Max's last comment

"you crack me up, little buddy"  
"I know Sammy, now let's start _wiiiith;_ a 'romantic' dinner at Stinky's?" Max suggests  
"well, as romantic as that place can get" Sam agrees with that remark  
"hey, it will be once we start grossily making out making other diners loose their dinner" Max teases, making Sam blush harder and giggle more softly

"I'm kidding big guy, I mean, if it does come to that, I sure won't object" Max finishes by looking at him with a flirty smirk

Sam tries not to go completely red

"Max, you are one little tease" he giggles as he literally picks Max up and leaves the office for their_ 'date'_ date.


	2. remember what happened the last time you ordered from Stinky's?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam: is my food moving?  
Max: lmao guess it is

The couple walk in the half-star rated diner,

"ah, I missed the suspicious smell of stale and rotting food in Stinky's..." Max says, inhaling in the air,  
Sam next to him, trying not to gag in his mouth.

"Wanna sit down and see what horrific meals are on offer, or wind up grandpa Stinky? I know you like that" Sam asks  
"_Samm_, don't get all soppy already, at least wait until I've eaten"

Grandpa Stinky rolls his eyes and irritably grumbles to himself as the two lovebirds walk into his 'beloved' diner, not excited for whatever mess and havoc they're probably going to cause.

Sam and Max sit in the end booth next to the window, Sam already looking over the menu while Max stabs his menu with a fork repetitively and rapidly,

"stressed little pal?" Sam says, noticing Max's repetitive and aggressive action towards the innocent menu  
"hardly, I'm just thinking about what monstrosities old Stinky has for us today" Max says, taking a break from attacking the menu of, inedible sounding, food items  
"that sure would make me stressed" Sam adds,

Sam looks over the options for dinner  
"I think I'll have a burger with extra fries, what about you little buddy?" Sam asks Max, looking up from the menu  
"remember what happened the last time you ordered a burger from stinky's?" the lagomorph reminds him  
"I'll take my chances. Now, what will you be having?"  
Max actually looks at the menu rather than impaling it,  
"hmm...I'll be having the ice cream with pickle sprinkles and hot sauce" Max makes up on the spot <strike>knowing Stinky's, they probably do serve that</strike>  
"you sure are one gross little gremlin, Max"  
"I love you too, Sam" Max says as he tries crushing a cockroach that scampered on the table.

Sam walks over to the counter to meet the cranky old man and order his and Max's food,  
Stinky was obviously not amused to see him or Max

"what do ye' want?" he grumbles  
"good evenin' to you too, Grandpa Stinky. Where's Girl Stinky?" Sam asks, noticing the snarky waitress was not present  
"off gallivanting with 'er friends. didn't think she'd have any, whiny little..." he mumbled angrily  
"aw, you miss her, that's nice"  
grandpa Stinky simply growled at the dog in reply, not too happy with the conversation topic and who he was having the conversation with,

"are ye' gonna order anything? Or are yee just gonna bother me the entire night?" the old man says, close to snapping,  
"as tempting as talking to you sounds, me and Max are trying to enjoy our date...wow, me and Max are on a date...I just...woah..."  
the cranky old diner owner growls again, trying to get Sam's attention back to earth,  
the sooner him and that rabbit menace are out the way, the better for his sanity and diner

"oh sorry...I'll have a burger and extra fries and my _date_ will have ice cream with pickle sprinkles and hot sauce" Sam orders, clear excitement saying _'date'_  
"anythin' else?" Stinky grumbles, obviously he's required to ask that after Girl Stinky gave him a talk on manners, especially towards customers  
"hmm....I'll have a cola and...MAX! WHAT DRINK DO YOU WANT?" Sam calls out, almost ruining the last of Grandpa Stinky's hearing,  
although Max wasn't that far there was no need to yell at all really  
"ROOT BEER!" he calls back  
"my little pal and _husband_ will be having the root beer" Sam echoes back  
"had no idea..." Stinky sarcastically grouches and shoos Sam back to his and Max's booth.

Max was busy chattering at Sam about some inane nonsense, that not even Sam could quite understand, he just sat, listened and chuckled warmly at the rabbity-thing's enthusiasm about whatever crap came out of his wide mouth,

"...and _that's_ why, I'm no longer allowed in disneyland" Max finally finishes his long, nonsensical, and quite frankly stupid, story  
"gonna make choosing our vacation destination next year hard, then" Sam replies, already thinking about their next vacation in the summertime  
"we could go to Orlando" he suggests  
"with those yellow thing running around? No thanks, I'd rather watch a marathon of the soda pop-"

Max was interrupted by an unholy shriek coming from the kitchen,  
Sam turned his attention to the little window that looked into the kitchen, he walked closer to counter to get a better look in, the shutter was closed because Grandpa Stinky hated people 'stickin their noses in me kitchen', so it was hard to look in to see what the commotion was, he did however see Stinky go flying across the kitchen

"everything fine and dandy in there, gramps?" Sam asks,

Grandpa Stinky roars and makes grunts of effort, before replying  
"NONE OF YE BUSINESS! SIT YER ASS BACK DOWN!"

Sam, startled but not surprised hearing that kind of language from Grandpa Stinky,  
"I was gonna tell him the author wants to keep the potty language down, but he obviously doesn't give a crap"

"Sam, who are you talking to?" Max asks from their table  
"no idea" Sam says, walking back to sit at the table with Max.

Max looks at Sam, lovestruck, in his weird Max way anyway,  
Sam was kinda worried of the look Max was giving him, he didn't know if Max was going to pounce on him or go all uncharacteristically mushy, either way, he stayed cautious of it,

Luckily, the food came before Sam found out which it was <strike>probably the pouncing</strike>,  
Grandpa Stinky tosses the plates on the table in his usual aggressive manner

"thanks grandpa Stinky!" Sam smiles, trying to keep a cheerful mood for his and Max's date,  
"pah" Grandpa Stinky spat in reply and walks back into his kitchen to keep a distance from Sam and Max, who were bound to cause some trouble.

Sam puts some salt on his fries  
"well tuck in little pal"  
  
"wait WAIT! I wanna do the cheer thing!" Max says holding up hit bottle of root beer  
Sam sighs and gives in as he clinks his glass with Max's,  
Max smashes hit bottle into Max's glass of cola a little too hard, sending cola and root beer to splash on him and Sam, making both giggle.  
  
"enjoying your date so far, melonhead?" Sam asks,  
Max, who had a gross mix of pickles, ice cream and hot sauce in his moth nods  
"oh, it's just started Sammy-babe" Max replies with his mouth full of food, just happy to spend time with Max- I mean Sam, which they admittedly don't do often enough,  
Sam smiles hearing that, he was glad Max was enjoying it, he himself was having a good time and excited to dig into his juicy delicious-  
  
"hey Max, is my burger moving slightly to you?" Sam questions as he sees small movements of life from it  
Max looks closer at the_ 'food'_and sees it is making small movements,  
"Yeah, suppose it is! Wanna keep it? I've always wanted a pet!"  
"sure, but just make sure it's house-trained first-"

Sam was interrupted by a slight growl,   
the dog and rabbit looked back at the food, clearly alive- And with a bit of an attitude!  
"feisty little fella, aren't they?"Sam commented,

suddenly, the _'burger'_ screams, mouth present and all

"well, whaddya know, a burger monster created from untreated meat and Stinky's kitchen's famous mold and fungus" Sam narrates  
"well _that's_ a new one!" Max said as both keep their distance from the meaty monster,

any other day, Max would be all for fighting a gourmet monster, but this was his and Sam's date and he was not keen on being interrupted during his time alone with his husband, especially by a burger monster, he obviously didn't show this,

"up for eating _that_?" he asks Sam  
Sam thinks of a plan  
  
"hmm, have your flame thrower?" he asks  
"always do" Max says, getting his comically big flamethrower from a place that is none of your damn business,  
Sam grabs it and gives Max a quick kiss on the head as a thank you,  
and jumps up on the counter,  
  
"too bad I like my burger well done" Sam says, trying to come up with a witty line,  
he then use the flamethrower to barbecue the monster until it was just a pile of ash.

"WHAT HAVE YOU TWO DONE TO ME DINER?" Grandpa stinky roars from the counter  
"your welcome! the burnt furniture are a nice touch" Max answers  
"really brings the place together" Sam adds,  
  
Stinky growls, his last bit of patience with Sam and Max drying<strike> if there was any there, that is  
</strike>"GET OUTTA ME DINER, THE BOTH OF YE!" he snaps,

Sam and max takes that as the signal to leave and decide to go.  
  
"well, certainly didn't see that coming" Sam says as he and Max exits the diner,  
Max simply answer with a nod and some mumbling that not even Sam's canine dog ears could make out

"everything ok, little pal?" Sam asks, noticing Max's unusual silence  
"huh, wha- yeah, fine, that was awesome!" Max said, coming back to earth,

"where to next?" Sam asks,  
which gets Max hyped up again,  
ears stick back up to their usual position and he, quite literally, jumps up

"I was sorta thinkin...love land" Max suggests  
"oh heck yeah! I've been wanting to lose my voice screaming on their roller coaster,  
for a love-themed park, the 'coaster sure is intense!"  
"and your lunch seeing all of the sappy goo-goo eyes" Max adds  
"right you are little pal, right you are" Sam says with a giggle as he and Max get in the car for their next activity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well here is chapter 2! hope you enjoyed the story so far!  
Burgers coming alive, whatever next?

**Author's Note:**

> Hope y'all enjoyed the fist chapter and the rest of this fic. It's my first time on AO3 and writing Sam and Max fanfiction so please bare with me on this, fellas. 💖


End file.
